A Gay Man Writes About Medicalized Childhood

Marcus lives in the United Kingdom. He can be reached at @LogicalMarcus on Twitter. He has provided an extensive bibliography at the end of this piece. 

   fireworks I am nine years old and at a Halloween party. I am playing with a boy my own age with black curly hair. As the fireworks go off I notice how beautiful he is. I never see him again.

    I am fourteen and unhappy. My school friends talk about girls all the time, and I can’t relate. I am becoming bookish and withdrawn. In the local college library I find a book by William Burroughs describing a wild life where men love other men in a city called San Francisco. I find the book exciting. I have never heard the word “gay” other than as an insult before.

    I am fifteen and at a sleep over with a male friend. We are watching porn. I am thinking about kissing him. I feel scared and the moment passes.

    I’m seventeen and I have a girlfriend. I was so happy to prove I am normal like my other friends. I didn’t care for kissing her, but I try anyway. I tell her I think I am bisexual and we argue. We break up three months later.

    I’m nineteen and I have slept with a boy for the first time. We met on the internet. He is a tall and handsome Indian boy. I am white. We did it in his car to Daft Punk’s Discovery album. For the first time I tell a close straight male friend I think I am gay. He is accepting and supportive.

    I’m twenty-two and my friends know I am gay. A few colleagues at work do too. I have some gay friends and I have dated a couple of guys. I am starting to feel comfortable being who I am. 

    I’m twenty-four and it is the mid 2000s. I am coming out to my parents. I planned it carefully. They have never made a homophobic remark but I have read accounts of coming outs going poorly, so I have waited till I am an independent adult. I tell them I have a boyfriend called Matt. They take the news with no real rancor. My father tells me to be careful about AIDS and my mother cries because I will not have children. We continue to love one another.

   Every gay and lesbian person has a story of how they came to accept themselves. Realizing you are gay can take a long time. It took me at least ten years, much denial, some unhappiness, and lasted until I was a grown man. There was never a moment as though a sign turned on in my head to say “You’re gay.” For a long time I tried to ignore it or bargain it away: I didn’t want to be one of “those” people, who seemed to be on the margins of society. Self acceptance and coming out were gradual, constant negotiations between my feelings and what I felt safe and comfortable saying, to myself and others. But I am just who I am, a gay man, and there is nothing wrong with that. The rest is society’s problem, not mine.

  As an adult I hoped growing up gay would be easier for children today. With what’s commonly called LGBT acceptance, gay and lesbian people are full legal citizens in many Western nations, and can marry, and have basic protections from prejudice. We are not yet full social equals – holding hands and kissing as a same sex couple can attract unwanted attention and be dangerous, “gay” is still a playground slur, and we rarely see our lives reflected in the media. But when I see young gay couples walking around, I feel intense pride and happiness that the situation is improving.

    Recently I have read many accounts of parents raising so-called “transgender kids”. This is a new thing, specific to wealthy Western nations and in particular the US, that did not exist when I was growing up. These are children who are held to be “female brains in male bodies”, or vice versa. The science does not support this claim: science shows that there are no male or female brains. These “transgender kids” are not diagnosed by scanning their brains. They are boys who prefer, in some way, “girl things”, or the other way around. These children are dysphoric, that is unhappy, specifically with the kind of things they can do as boys or girls. They can be as young as three or four. For example:

    Calls to help sex-change kids as demand for gender reassignment soars

    For such children, an increasing number go through the following regimen: social transition (dressed as the opposite sex), then subjected to increasingly invasive medical treatment: puberty blockers, then cross-sex hormones, followed by sexual reassignment surgery at adulthood or even mid teenage years. Transgender kids seem to be a trend in the USA and UK, and the numbers reflect that, with steep increases at “gender clinics”. But how is it possible so many children are just now being declared to be in the “wrong bodies”? This looks alarmingly like a kind of conversion therapy.  Studies (links below) have found that most children who express “gender identity disorder” did indeed desist and become gay adults in the past.

    As a gay man, who also has struggled at times to accept myself in a society that does not always accept me, it is troubling to see children encouraged to think their bodies are wrong for the way they behave or the way they feel. The root of this seems to be a conservative enforcement of the same stereotypes that make gay people suffer. Even when these children are said to declare they are in the wrong body I think it is plausible they are doing so out of an awareness some kinds of bodies are being allowed to do some things, but not others, and if you want to do those other things you had better have the other kind of body.  But surely it is better to tell all children that they can do, wear, and enjoy whatever they want without it being “wrong”.

I think there is a fad, or a contagion, going around parents and medical professionals, being pushed by motivated activists and fed by well-meaning liberals and echo chambers on social media, for declaring children to be transgender. Although society recognizes this as real, for example in educational material and school bathroom use, there does not seem to be solid science or evidence behind this condition being more than a cultural issue. I am concerned this fad will harm children through unnecessary medical treatment with permanent effect – sterilization for example, or the irreversible effect of testosterone on the growing female body.

In particular, a trend for transgender kids seems to target those children who do not conform to stereotypes society expects them to obey on account of their sex: who very often grow up to be wonderful, happy, effeminate gay men and butch lesbian or bisexual girls. We need years or decades to grow into ourselves as gay adults and the medicalization of difference through transgender seems like an attack on our personhood, an attack on our right to process being gay, painful and confusing and messy as it can be.

I have known dozens of gay men and lesbian women who might well have been “trans kids” today. Some of these gay men like to paint their nails, or dress up in women’s clothes (drag), and they care very much about clothing, and have some effeminate mannerisms. Some of these lesbians are rough and tough and they like short hair and clothing cut for men. They are happy and comfortable being who they are. I admire these non-conforming gay and lesbian people very much, because most never had the luxury of the closet, like I did. If they had been made into “trans kids” in order to produce humans who conformed better to a standard I think the world would be a poorer place and they would have been harmed. If the prevalent view of transgender is wrong then harm is being done to children and we cannot remain silent.

    I have also met transgender people, in real life and online, and I have listened to their pain over their “wrong bodies”. But I also do not understand how transgender can be destined or “real” in the same way that being gay is real. Transgender and gay are not interchangeable. There are profound differences between gay and transgender. The idea of transgender as a biologically destined, permanent, fixed identity should be justified on its own merits, not by a silencing tactic where activists claim their cause is no different from gay rights and scream “Transphobia” at all questions. Gay activists never had to silence, shame or threaten opponents, because our cause is just, cohesive and reasonable, and stands by itself.

    Nobody has ever shown being gay can be “cured” but there is evidence that transgender people do sometimes stop being transgender. People do detransition.  One way in which gay people have also argued against a notion that being gay was wrong was to point to gay animals. There are gay animals everywhere, and our closest ape relatives the bonobos are thoroughly homosexual, but mammals do not change sex. Nobody has ever seen a transgender sheep, where a ewe becomes a ram. A dominant female hyena can take on a male role but it is still a female that has a different, natural, hormonal balance, not a male hyena.

    Most importantly “the mind does not match the body” is the opposite of what being gay is about. At the end of our coming out stories, gay and lesbian people are comfortable being just who we are. There is nothing wrong with us, nothing wrong with the way we were born. Our problem is society’s prejudice, not our minds or bodies. Lesbian, gay and bisexual people have always demanded freedom from persecution and acceptance as the social and legal equals of straight people, which we are.

    There is no need for medical intervention, hormones and surgery to be gay. In fact the words transition and conversion are synonyms. There are alarming similarities between the discredited notion of conversion therapy against gay children and so-called gender transition therapy. Reinforcing this, conservative Islamic nations such as Iran, the United Arab Emirates, and Pakistan, all punish homosexuality, but encourage or mandate a conversion of gay men to transgender women via sexual reassignment. It is appalling to contemplate supposedly liberal parents replicating Iran-style erasure of gay people on their own children.

    Seen this way transgender could be compared to anorexia, because here too there is great unhappiness about the body. Anorexia is a real and serious condition, and anorexic people must have their human dignity respected, but it would be dangerous to say we should accept anorexia, or tell children anorexia was okay. Magazines that promote anorexic models and celebrities are criticized and there is an attempt to stop the fashion industry from doing this.

I probably would not have been a “trans kid” if I had grown up today. I was not effeminate but bookish and a science geek, and with the trend for medicalized childhoods, I might have been diagnosed with something else. There is a broader and long term trend of over-medicalizing children. A diagnosis like ADHD seems to often reflect an attempt to contain rambunctious childhood personalities. Of course medical treatment is not always bad but it must also be based on the best evidence that it is necessary and not harmful. What kind of evidence should we demand before assigning a child a medicalized identity, setting them down a road that can end in sexual reassignment?

I think parents and children should not always pursue instant gratification even if medicine seems to offer it.

Further reading

Human brains cannot be categorized into two distinct classes: male brain/female brain
There is probably no such thing as a ‘male’ and ‘female’ brain
Is there something unique about the transgender brain? These brain scans don’t reflect gender identity, they reflect sexual orientation.
New MRI studies support the Blanchard typology of male-to-female transsexualism
Ethical issues raised by the treatment of gender-variant prepubescent children: only 6 to 23 percent of boys and 12 to 27 percent of girls treated in gender clinics showed persistence of their gender dysphoria into adulthood
Gender identity clinic for young people sees referrals double
Surge in demand sees one year waits for children’s transgender clinic
Child gender identity referrals show huge rise (930%) in six years
More U.S. hospitals offering gender affirming surgeries
Transgender kids: ‘Exploding’ number of children, parents seek clinical help
‘I was a boy.. then a girl.. now I want to be a boy again’: Agony of of teen who is Britain’s youngest sex-swap patient
Boy ‘living life entirely as a girl’ removed from mother’s care by judge
Mother of Transgender Toddler Gets a Lesson in Love
Clinics are popping up across the country to help kids as young as 3 who might be transgender
‘Thank God I didn’t have a sex change’: Gay actor Rupert Everett tells how he grew up wanting to be a girl but cautions against allowing children to make rash decisions on surgery
Furious parents slam ‘damaging’ BBC sex change show aimed at six-year-olds
100% blocker-to-HRC persistence rate in children
Transgender Youth: Are Puberty-Blocking Drugs An Appropriate Medical Intervention?
53% of mothers of boys with Gender Identity Disorder have Borderline Personality Disorder compared to only 6% of mothers of normal children
Female detransitioner survey
Female detransitioner speaks
Another teen goes from “I’m happy in my male body” to “I am truly a girl” in a few days.
Desistence of gender identity in children:
Do trans- kids stay trans- when they grow up? Only very few trans- kids still want to transition by the time they are adults. Instead, they generally turn out to be regular gay or lesbian folks. The exact number varies by study, but roughly 60–90% of trans- kids turn out no longer to be trans by adulthood.
A New Way to Be Mad: Can the mere description of a condition make it contagious?
Why Some of the Worst Attacks on Social Science Have Come From Liberals
How did transgender get included in LGBT?
The attack on Germaine Greer shows identity politics has become a cult
Purplesagefem: Blatant homophobia

22 thoughts on “A Gay Man Writes About Medicalized Childhood

  1. Reblogged this on PetuniaCatLand and commented:
    A beautiful description of the back-and-forth process people go through to understand that they’re gay. And then a trenchant examination of the transkid process today. It’s dubious notice and its dangers.

    Like

  2. This is wonderful! This could be the intro to this issue for people who are new to it. Nice and clear.

    There’s only one thing I’d add to it, that kids who are encouraged to believe they are trans, then they desist and are actually gay are also being harmed emotionally. They’re having the reality of their experience and sense of self undermined by having this 100% bogus alternative version presented to them. And by virtue of having all this attention paid to it it’s gonna make it look preferable. As in ‘oh trans, that’s just such an important issue. And gay, well yeah that’s just ordinary. A little disappointing.’

    Along with teaching them to feel bizarrely self-conscious about their bodies. 😩

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Reblogged this on freer lives and commented:
    A thoughtful and well-researched piece discussing the danger of gay erasure via the trans trend, noting the use of gender transitioning in conservative countries intolerant of lesbians and gays.

    Like

  4. More gay men need to speak out about this. We are not even having one generation of pre-gay boys growing up with a little more openness – they are all either completely closeted by their parents (which is really the safer choice I guess) or they are on this insane medical treatment path. So sickening. And there is no support for these boys – PFLAG only has transgender stuff now.
    Thank you for having the courage to speak your truth.

    Like

  5. Marcus,

    Thank you so much for speaking out thoughtfully and compassionately about this important topic. I often think about the animal world and nature as being good examples for people to make sense of our social tendencies. I agree completely that in nature, we never see animals in “transgender” roles. Interestingly, we also don’t see such superficial and socially created gender roles as we do in humans (gendered clothing choices, hobbies, makeup, appearance, personality traits, etc). In my opinion, our rigid gender roles and heteronormative expectations ARE the reason we have a phenomenon of transgenderism in the first place.

    I also enjoyed your analysis of the differences between being gay and being trans. You point out that in being gay, no alteration of the body is necessary. While being gay is about something internal, a feeling or attraction, it also can end there, not requiring anyone to alter their outside appearance to “match” their inner feelings. This is an important point to focus on, and the medicalization of a feeling (and subsequent pathologizing of the body) is a very disturbing trend which few people seem to question.

    I also write about this important topic on my website, and I treat children in online counseling who are gender defiant and confused about their “identity”. I hope to see more and more LGB people recognizing that trans-ing kids is, in fact, the new conversion therapy. We owe our kids better and I thank you again for speaking out!

    Best,

    Sasha

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You sir, have no idea what you are talking about. I am deeply saddened to see this sort of political rhetoric come from a member of the LGBT community.

    You seem to be implying trans people don’t really exist at all. I’ve heard all these arguments before. I notice you just stopped short of using the rights typical slam, “mentally ill.” Hopefully you understand this same one, and your entire argument, were the same ones levied at the gay community. You sir, are a hypocrites.

    I am a transgender woman. Very happily so. I would have killed to have been able to transition in childhood! Anything! That level of support and care would have spared me a lot of pain.

    Gender identity is exactly like sexual orientation. I have felt this all my life. Wanting to be female was my earliest memories. I would have loved to have been spared male puberty and the poison that was testosterone.

    It didn’t take me into adulthood to become what I am, because I didn’t know from the beginning what I was: it was because society told me I couldn’t be what I am. But now I am, now I am a proud, strong, happy transgender woman. You should understand the pressure of societal oppression. Sure it takes a journey for all of those who are LGBT, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t born what we are. Having a female brain in a male body from birth, is confusing, but the truth about gender dysphoria is that it is only the minds attempt, need to fix the disconnect between body and mind.

    My parents sent me to speech therapy in grade school because of my natural “gay” lisp and female voice patterns. I spent an entire childhood consciously altering my natural mannorism and voice to avoid harassment and ridicule. Not because I didn’t dream at night to be magically transformed in to a girl. I considered transition in my early twenties, but honestly, at that time I didn’t know that I –could– transition. I didn’t become the true me, wasting a lot of life, until my early thirties because of the onslaught of societal hate and oppression. Repression is a powerful thing when you’ve been dictated to who you are –supposed– to be your entire life. Like I said, those kids are lucky someone loves and supports them for who they are.

    Using medical intervention to develop a female body is not why I’m female. Breasts aren’t what made me female. I just am, always was female. My brain is female.

    Yes, I will tell you, from personal experience, that there are very distinct male and female brains. Testosterone was a poison to mine. Estrogen is like heaven. You have no idea.

    True not all people who experience dysphoria end up fully trans. But millions of us do. We are happy, normal, good people living our true selves. I will never go back. That would be a torture you couldn’t imagine. I have lived reppresion, I have lived being told who and what I am, should be.

    Your article is nothing but an unfounded hit piece on the transgender. Honestly you should be ashamed over yourself for removing the L from LGBT.

    Those kids, or myself, are not a great political conspiracy. They are real children being loved, supported and free to be who they are. That’s what the puberty blockers are for. If you where woman’s clothes and don’t want male puberty all the way to 18, you aren’t a gay man! Yes drag queens exist. They are not trans.

    Watch the PBS Frontline “Growing up Trans.” Then tell me those kids are just gay or lesbian kids.

    I went through hell for this. The last thing I am is just another gay man. I’m a woman. A real woman, like any other.

    I’m Chrissy Valentine, and I am awesome. 😉

    Like

    1. Chrissy,
      Your “female brain” comment is misinformed*. I’m sorry that society convinces us that it’s wrong to deviate from gendered expectations of voice pattern and clothing style. It’s also disturbing that trans activism has pushed the notion that if we don’t subscribe to their gender-stereotyped and pseudo-scientific definition of man and woman then we’re bigots; this ideology is sexist and seeks to reify a socially-imposed hierarchy (patriarchy). The ideology also hurts trans people** by creating unrealistic expectations, pushing unnecessary surgeries/hormone intervention, and enabling a life-time of cognitive dissonance.
      *https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/girl-brain-boy-brain/
      **http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2015/12/gender_critical_trans_women_the_apostates_of_the_trans_rights_movement.html

      Like

  7. (Explanatory note: I will not use “she” pronouns for male transgendered persons, since they are untruthful, but neither do I want to hurt feelings unnecessarily by saying “he”. In this reply I’ll avoid them altogether despite a little awkwardness.)

    Chrissy Valentine writes

    1. That gender identity is like sexual orientation. Now, in reasoned arguments, words have agreed-on definitions. I am a gay man, or a homosexual, because I am sexually attracted exclusively to other men. That is an objective definition of the word gay. Now, Chrissy describes “wanting to be female”, but wanting a thing does not make you that thing. The language trans people often use is “I know I am female, inside”, but what does being female mean to Chrissy?

    Chrissy has written (http://archive.is/Qitqk)

    “It’s painful to constantly hear I’m a man and can’t be a woman. Because I am a woman. In every way. I like, act and think like a woman. I have the emotions of a woman. I love cute clothes and pretty nail polish. This is everything to me. It is not just that I am just some delusional crazy person. I lived through hell to achieve this.”

    This then is what being female means to Chrissy. It means to “like, act and think like a woman”. But what does that mean? Do all women act and think in the same way? What does it mean to have the “emotions of a woman”? I do not see how this is anything but a sexist, even misogynist, stereotype. And can men not like cute clothes and nail polish? I had male friends in high school who were Goths, and put nail polish and eye shadow on. How does any of this make you female?

    If Chrissy took away from my essay that I knew I was gay from a very early age, Chrissy has fundamentally misunderstood my point. I did not know, 100 per cent, that I was gay until my early twenties. For many years I tried hard, to fit in, to be normal and heterosexual. It took years and years to admit that I was indeed homosexual. Children cannot be certain of these things.

    How can a small child consent to a medically unnecessary treatment that will profoundly affect their lives? Imagine a transgender person who was the product of this treatment at 35, 50, 75 years old looking back on the child they were, making this life altering decision. Who thinks they were wise at 12 or 8? We do not let children consent to getting tattoos, and even adults regret this relatively minor permanent alteration very often.

    That is why I cannot believe that a so-called transgender child can possibly know, or possibly give meaningful consent to sterilization. We know that puberty blockers are a direct line to sterilizing hormone treatment. Simply, 100% of kids on these blockers go on to hormones. The effect of the hormones is irreversible. We would allow a child with cancer to have sterilizing treatment, but a child who simply is dysphoric (unhappy with their body)? That is, bluntly, insane. Until those who advocate for “trans kid” treatments address this point, it’s hard not to conclude they are avoiding uncomfortable truths for political reasons.

    The gendered expectations of society harm gay people, by denying them the same kind of childhood that straight people have, and I think they have harmed Chrissy as well. Chrissy writes

    “My parents sent me to speech therapy in grade school because of my natural “gay” lisp and female voice patterns. I spent an entire childhood consciously altering my natural mannorism and voice to avoid harassment and ridicule. Not because I didn’t dream at night to be magically transformed into a girl… The county is small town white redneck America. I was a lumber salesman, sold power-tools, and went to mechanic school. I worked on cars and computers my entire life. I lived in a trailer park, in a trailer.”

    Now let’s look at one of these “trans kid” accounts (
    http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/mother-year-transgender-girl-fights-texas-school-district/story?id=41266373)

    “I am a devout and conservative Christian and an ordained minister,” she said and explained that she tried to force Kai into being a boy when she was a toddler. “I knew my kid was different before the age of 2,” Shappley said. “My child was very feminine, flamboyant and dramatic. No matter how I tried to punish, reshape or discipline her, she continued being very feminine.” By the age of 3, Kai began “adamantly saying and verbalizing she was a girl.”

    Think about what this child’s mother is saying. Chrissy’s parents, and Kai’s parents alike, are conservatives, with conservative ideas on gender. Their son was effeminate, flamboyant and dramatic; he must be punished and disciplined. This is what Chrissy describes in Chrissy’s own childhood, as well. But why can’t boys be effeminate? Why should they need therapy for having a “gay lisp”? How isn’t this reparation therapy? Why can’t we love and accept kids as they are?

    This, right here, is the crux. Imagine if these parents, or Chrissy’s parents, had embraced their son, flamboyancy and all, instead of forcing these gender norms on them. Who can say their sons would not have turned out alright without being medicalized? It is a sad reflection on a society where we are so intolerant that parents prefer a medicalized “daughter” to a gay or gender non-conforming son. I feel sympathetic for Chrissy, and that sympathy can’t extend to participating in a lie, because lies always cause more harm in the end. When Chrissy writes “I didn’t become the true me, wasting a lot of life, until my early thirties because of the onslaught of societal hate and oppression”, we must ask why Chrissy’s “true me” must have this label of woman, which does not correspond to reality.

    2. Chrissy levels the claim of hypocrisy at me, because I do not accept gay rights implies we must accept every claim that transgender activists demand. But hypocrisy means saying one thing and doing another. It is not hypocrisy to observe gay and transgender are entirely different things. Being gay is a sexual preference, whereas transgender is a claim that biological reality is something other than it is. Being gay means deviating from gendered norms, striking your own path, whereas transgender, in practice, seems to mean adopting the gendered norms of the opposite sex out of discomfort with those of our own sex. Being gay is not a medicalized condition, whereas most trans persons do seek medical treatment, and that treatment very often makes permanent changes to the body, including the loss of a fundamental human right to procreate. If a child thinks he is gay and isn’t, then there’s no harm done. If a child thinks he is transgender, he may very well, these days, be put down that path to sexual reassignment. I think this is a catastrophe. We should be working to reduce these pressures on children to conform, not medicalizing them in a form of “reparation therapy”.

    3. Chrissy says that “there are very distinct male and female brains. Testosterone was a poison to mine. Estrogen is like heaven. You have no idea.” But there is no way that Chrissy can know this from personal experience. The science shows that there are no male or female brains, but rather masculine and feminine characteristics form a spectrum with much overlap. Moreover, one’s sex is not defined by the brain. I am not a psychiatrist, but the idea that a natural hormone is a “poison” seems like an estrangement from the body, and the claim taking estrogen is “heaven” seems to frame the debate in terms of drug use. We recognize testosterone can be a drug of abuse so why not estrogen indeed?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You are a flagrant hypocrite.

      You are right, being gay and being transgender are different.

      On one hand you claim deviating from gender norms is fine, for yourself, but not for me.

      “Reality” as a concept has been leveled at homosexuality as an argument for decades. Yet now you, as gay, level the same argument against me. Justifying it.

      I’m not an effeminate gay man. My parents, as you say, raising me that way wouldn’t have produced an effeminate gay man either. I am not a man.

      By your own arguments you could have been raised straight. Your parents must have done it wrong than? Right?

      You can claim your identity, yet vilifie and discount mine. Using the same “unnatural biology” attacks on my being that has been a staple against homosexuality for decades.

      That is hypocrisy. It is the most shameful insult to be attacked as a person from our own side. Yes trans and cis gay are distinct entities. However, our political fights perfectly align.

      You choose the privilege of the same people who once denied your soul, to attack mine.

      I find that offensive.

      Just to prove my point I laid bare very deep realities to you and the entire world. Which you in turn use to personally assassinate my being.

      Just like there is nothing in this universe that could make you like vagina, there’s nothing in that same cosmos that could make me a man.

      You assume me to be a gay man, yet I never ever said I even like men. So am I an effeminate straight man? That’s particularly insulting to call me everything I left behind as me.

      I describe my personal life, my personal femininity clearly to you, which you weaponize against me. I never said all women act the same. I said I act like a woman, because I am one and this is what my personal womanhood entails.

      The ridiculous hypocrisy of talking about “children conforming” boggles my mind. The hell I’ve been through to let go of sociological pressure and you tell me this?

      Your comments on trans children are severely wrong and uneducated. Permanent therapy and surgery is never given until the age of consent. So unless you wish to deny people the right of control over their own bodies, you don’t need to judge.

      Without surgery, sterility from hormones can be reversed. Sperm can also be banked. I, personally, already have children. My reproductive rights are, also, none of your business.

      I tell you I’ve experienced both human sex hormones and you tell me I’m just to stupid to appreciate the one I had. If it where that simple I wouldn’t take estrogen now would I?

      Then to state that human sex hormones are equatable to a drug addiction? I have less testosterone left in my system than a biologically cis woman. I take only estrogen and you think that’s prescribed to me just because I’m some depraved addict of the opposite sex hormone?

      I dare you to try it. Go ahead, try only estrogen then tell me if you think estrogen isn’t a poison to your gay male brain.

      I commented on your article in defense of who I am. It is you who deny me that who I am. Simple because you wish too.

      Male and female brains are not identical. No science says this. If my gender, as yours, wasn’t innate I wouldn’t be transgender, would I? Did you check between your legs, check which toys you had to know which gender you were?

      Neither did I. Yes I naturally tend towards female gender roles. As does every other woman alive, regardless of culture. Because I’m a woman. I know you’ll completely take that out of context instantly. But know, I never said all women, or all men act the same. I, simply act, as who I naturally am. Which constitutes my personal womanhood and femininity.

      Which is also, none of your business. Telling me I should be a gay man is no different than me telling you should be a woman.

      “we must ask why Chrissy’s “true me” must have this label of woman, which does not correspond to reality.”

      I suppose you being Gay doesn’t correspond to reality?

      I must have the label of woman, because that is the true me which I can not deny. I tried. It is impossible. It is who I am.

      You don’t get to strip that from me. While simultaneously claiming your sex / gender freedoms.

      Answer me this: as a gay man would you sleep with me and my breasts (naturally grown) and my behind? If I’m truly just a confused gay man, would you still find me attractive?

      I’m an adult. I have a family. I chose to live as I am. What right do you have to tell me I’m basically an insane freak who should be just like you instead?

      No, tell me. Tell me why I can’t be me? Why my childhood, life, world is open to your judgement? Yet if I told you be straight, you’d defend yourself equally.

      This is who I am. I did not choose this. I was not raised into this. This is who I am. Period. End of story.

      Me being honest, you attempting to tear it down? Why? What harm have I done to you?

      You can enjoy your sexuality and life style, while I mustn’t mine?

      This is no different than forcing you to have sex with only vaginas.

      Get over yourself. LGBT need to be in this fight together. Not because we are the same beings, but because we have the same fight. The fight to be ourselves, no matter who tries to take us down.

      –chrissy valentine-

      Like

      1. You are not “deviating from gender norms”. Equating nail polish and pretty clothes to womanhood and talking about “female brains” makes you a firm supporter of sex roles.

        You sir will never be a woman.

        Liked by 2 people

  8. Hi, great article.

    I grew up as a really wimpy boy. I loved reading, frequently ‘girls’ book. When I started school I played with the girls because they were just nicer, the boys wanted to fight all the time and play football or war.. I hated sport, couldn’t catch or kick a ball, got really upset by fighting.

    I was late to puberty and very skinny up until my mid 20s. For a long time I really didn’t feel like a proper boy or man. Thank god for Ziggy and then punk because that was what I wanted to be.

    I have turned out to be just about as straight as straight can be, lived with the same woman for 30+ years, very nice thank you.

    I was bullied a lot at school and one of the favourite taunts was calling me a girl. That’s like the worst taunt for a child or teenage boy.

    I don’t know if I’d end up transed if I was born 30 later, but I do know that the bullies would have loved the whole idea and used it against kids like me..

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I found your post really moving and amazing. Better comment later, I promise. This kind of writing has really had me thinking, lately… and for fear of being silenced as a “transphobe” I haven’t said anything. Your post has made me want to speak.

    Liked by 1 person

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